Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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