Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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