Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
