MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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