You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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