Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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