I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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