I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
