Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
