Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
