the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
