um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
