u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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