I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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