you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
