Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
