mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
