Your dad touched me again.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
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I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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