the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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