guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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