: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
