his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
