I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
