a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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