I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
we're so committed to being not committed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
