So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
