Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
