Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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