So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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