can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
