dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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