I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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