and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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