I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
