The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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