I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
