i need an iv and a liver transplant
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize