Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
