Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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