There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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