What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
