I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
