Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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