..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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