Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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