So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
