I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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