I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
