I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
