you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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