I'm gonna have a badass scar
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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