He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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