That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
