need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
