He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I touched a dick in church today
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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