My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
