There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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