I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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