What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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