so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
