Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
