I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
