Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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