pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
