After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You pole danced in your parka.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
