oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
