Jerry, you need to find god
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
