Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
