I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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