haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
