She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
