She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
