??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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