i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
