How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
