He asked me if I "almost moaned"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
