I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
