In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
be right there i have to get my cape
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
