So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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