butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
