i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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