a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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